Thursday, January 29, 2009

This is bullshit

Why do I have a roommate that goes home every weekend and ignores me pretty much on the random occasions that we are home at the same time? I feel like a fucking rent check to her. And I wouldn't mind if it was a case I found her on craigslist and and not that we were friends last year in the dorm. 

Why is it that I'm only appreciated (or condemned) for my tits and ass? I don't think they are they greatest out there. Terribly imperfect in my mind. Yet people feel the need to constantly mention them. Why? It doesn't bother me that I might be seen as an object. I have a problem people see what isn't there and even with this blindness its not as if it truly gets me anywhere any way.

Why do I have friends that I have to call to hang out with or else I sit at home alone? And most times they wont even hang out with me for bullshit reasons. When they do, I'm always going somewhere. No one think to ask to come over and hang out with me at my place. It feels like fucking pulling teeth. I shouldn't feel like I have to work hard to have friends. 
And why do I always feel like the odd man out in my major? No one ever thinks that I could be helpful and never thinks to ask. I feel useless because no comes to me. I can't learn if no one is willing to through me to the dogs. And when I need help no one is there willing to help me out. I'm out of the loop way more than I should be. And I try but it seems useless. 

Growing up wont solve this problem. Death is not an actual solution. So I'm fucked till kingdom come.

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