Saturday, December 27, 2008

All work and no play

So tonight was the first night I've worked in close to two weeks. And I'm surprised by how much my life is actually centered around work. I have been listless for the majority of the last two weeks without an actual purpose to drive me. I mean its not as if I had completely nothing to do. I've hung out with friends. Hung out with family. And these were all worthwhile activities that filled my boring existence, but I still felt bored. Go to work gave me a purpose that I was happy to do. This is not to say that I work therefore I am. Work isn't the most exciting thing in the world. And I'm not picking work over having a social life. Its just that I, for some strange reason, feel complete. 

I somehow don't think this is a good thing.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Times Is Hard

So I've been musing over the fact that the most popular phrase today, all most no matter what demographic is some variation of "Come on now, times is hard. We're in a recession." This statement is very true and very bleak. Times have not been this hard since The Depression. But what I find amusing about is that even though this is and will continue to be a devastating  this statement is somewhat lighthearted despite its connotation. Its in human nature to true and make one's self feel better during a tough situation. So we make little joke to hide that pain and try and move on with our lives. But I wonder how long this kinds of thing will last before people can't make a joke and are lining up to jump out a window of the Comcast Building. 

Monday, December 22, 2008

Bah Humbug

So I have to truthfully say that Christmas is one of my least favorite holidays. I know, I know, how could I not like Christmas. I just don't. I don't believe is all the hype. I was never really excited about and as I get older I just don't see the point anymore. I mean why this specific time of year spend all this money to show that we care for one another? For those that are religious, why can't they just spend there time in their place of worship and call it a day? For those who aren't, just enjoy doing some winter day like you would any other. The one thing I can say that I still enjoy from my childhood is going down to the Wannamaker building and going through the Christmas Carol display and watching the light display narrated by Julie Andrews.

Christmas has, at its core, become a secular holiday. Not to say that is a bad thing. I'm just saying that its a shame to say that it is anything else. Same goes with holidays like Valentine's Day. Technically V-Day is suppose to celebrate Saint Valentine who was supposedly some bishop who secretly married Christians. Except that we don't know if this person actually exists. Saint Valentine's Day originally celebrate several people with that name and none of them had to do with anything romantic. V-Day isn't even on the Catholic's Calendar of Saints anymore. But I digress. 

Christmas is suppose to be a time of the year where family sits around the yule log and have good tidings while sipping hot chocolate. Well, no comes to visit us and vice versa. I don't even no my father's side to care whether or not I see them and I'm convinced that most of my mother's family dislikes us somewhat or at least can't comprehend us. There are the exchanging of gifts which is a hassle.  I cringe when its time to get gifts. I love picking out gifts for people that I know they'll like because  take the time to find out what they want. But I hate getting gifts, even ones that I like. I just can't get excited for anything. I can't even fake a surprised look anymore. Not that I could do it successfully before. 

I don't get how long distance relatives think that they can buy you something you like and they haven't seen you in years. For example, one of my great aunts from Georgia bought me something, I don't remember what it was but I know it was clothing and brown. Now I'm not a big fan of brown (or color in general for that matter), so I mention this. it just to happens that I was wearing my Paul McCartney shirt that day which is pink and brown (I don't like pink either, I bought it because I love Paul and I liked the design of the shirt). Now my cousin who was there mentions that I'm wearing brown, pretty much saying that I couldn't dislike it that much. Yes, I don't dislike brown that much, in concerns with the shirt, nothing more. This is the same cousin that remarked that she couldn't understand why the prom dress I asked for for Christmas was all black. Because I like black, maybe?

This is what the generic gift is for. You don't know what to get but you have to give something. Or if you don't want to give a gift that will more than likely be re-gifted then gift cards/money is always appropriate. Now I know that a lot of people think its tacky to give gift cards because it supposedly means that you didn't put any effort into looking for a gift. Which maybe true, but it also might be that case that you smart enough to realize that if you tried to pick out a gift that it would be shitty so you give money to let the person pick out what they want. By all means please give me a gift card over a real gift. At least you admit to not knowing what to get me instead of grasping for straws. But if you really don't feel that comfortable giving money/gift cards then just write me a card. I'll appreciate you just remembering me.

I know that anyone reading this might take this as being shallow, but it isn't really. I'm just not into the whole materialistic part of of the Christmas season. I  love giving people gifts, its one of the few joys I do have, but I don't see why I have to give them on pre-mandated days of the year. And I don't enjoy making people look for a gift more me.  Maybe I'm a scrooge, but you know what? I say "Bah fucking humbug!"

recent pin-up photoshoot

So these are a couple of photos from a shoot I did with a my friend Natalie as my model. Here is a link to the rest

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The beginning of more to come... Hopefully

So this will be my first official post for this blog. I felt that it was time to get around posting my so called feelings, emotions, etc. as both a form of therapy for myself (because lets face it the idea of me siting down for a psychoanalysis, will helpful, would be completely preposterous) and giving the people a little view of my life and all its trifling boring tidbits. 

So for those of you who don't know and are for some reason reading this I'm Alila and am a film student at Drexel. Before Drexel I was a catholic school girl from Pre-K to 12th grade. 15 Years of Catholicism and I'm not even a Catholic, or strictly Christian in my views. Drexel is the first school that I've attended that I really liked and haven't wanted to kill myself because of the school. This is not to say, however, that I am always happy. I have always been noted to be somewhat morose. But I am just not always appropriate with my emotions compared to society. Which I'm fine with for the most part. Its the others that can deal.

So yea, I had been debating about whether or not I wanted have a blog like this or vlog. Somethings I want to say are easier written down and others expressed verbally (plus its amusing to see me rant, so I've been told). So every once in a while I'll post a video of me and you'll  get to see how hideous I am.

That's it for now. Maybe I'll remember to post here unlike when I had a live journal.